1. Reflect On What You Need

Take time to check in with yourself.

• What kind of support (if any) do you want from this person?

• What are your boundaries if they react poorly or can’t support you?

You don’t have to have every answer figured out. But knowing your emotional landscape helps you speak from a place of self-advocacy.

Want more help with this? Visit our page on Talking About Abortion With Yourself.

2. Choose the Right Moment

Choose a quiet and private time to have the conversation.

You can say:

• “I have something important to talk to you about, and I want to do it when we can both be fully present. When would be a good time?”

You deserve their full attention—and a setting where you feel grounded and safe.

3. Plan What You Want to Say

You don’t need a perfect speech. But thinking it through ahead of time can help you stay clear, especially if the conversation becomes emotional or tense.

Use “I” statements that center your autonomy:

• “I’ve decided to have an abortion.”

• “This is the right decision for me, and I’m not looking for advice or input on changing it.”

• “I’m clear on what I need—what I want to talk about now is what support might look like.”

• “I’ve made the decision to have an abortion. I’m sharing this with you because I want to, not because I need approval.”

• “This is something I’ve thought about carefully, and I feel confident in my choice.”

• “I’d like support with ____, and I’d like to talk about how that could work.”

4. Be Honest About Your Emotions

You can name your feelings without minimizing them. Saying how you feel doesn't make you less sure of your choice—it makes space for real connection on your terms.

Try:

• “I'm sharing this because I value our relationship and thought it was important that you knew.”

• “I’m feeling a bit vulnerable talking about this, but I wanted to invite you in.”

You also get to name emotional limits:

• “I’ll share what I’m comfortable with, but I don’t want to take on any judgment or pressure.”

6. Offer Information—Without Taking on Emotional Labour

You’re not responsible for educating your partner, calming their emotions, or making them okay with your decision. If they have questions, it’s okay to redirect them to trustworthy resources.

Try:

• “I’m not in the space to explain everything, but you can learn more about what abortion involves here: Accessing Abortion in Alberta”

• “I’d appreciate it if you took time to understand this on your own—that would feel really supportive.”

You’re allowed to protect your energy. Being pregnant is enough.

8. Set Boundaries if Things Get Hard

If your partner responds with judgment, manipulation, or emotional withdrawal—you’re allowed to protect yourself and step back.

You might say:

• “This isn’t the response I need. I’m going to take space to focus on my well-being.”

• “I can’t carry your feelings and mine. If you’re struggling, I encourage you to talk to someone else about it.”

• “I’m clear on my decision, and I’m not open to debating it.”

You are not responsible for staying in connection with someone who can’t hold your autonomy with care.

9. If They Can Support You

If your partner is willing to support you, amazing. You can invite them into the practical parts of care:

• Coming in with you to appointments.

• Driving you or picking you up from appointments

• Bringing food, comfort items, or checking in afterward

• Being present in ways that feel good for you

Ask:

• “Would you be open to helping with ___?”

• “I’d love your support in a way that doesn’t require me to explain too much. Is that something you feel up for?”

• “Can I count on you to help with recovery?”

You Deserve Support That Respects Your Autonomy

You might still want care, or you might want space. You get to change your mind. You get to feel good, relieved, neutral, tired, sad, or all of the above.

Abortion doesn’t make you irresponsible, unloving, or broken. It means you made a decision that was right for you